I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
