Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
