you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
