I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
