There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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