The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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