Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
