Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
