I met the friendliest cop last night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
