I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
