i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
