I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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