No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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