I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
