We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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