Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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