dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
