I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
