he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
