Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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