Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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