I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
