I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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