My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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