This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
