Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
