i think i have herpe
just one?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
