I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
