Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
