You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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