you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
