who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Welp...herpes.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She's the barista slut.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
