please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
