just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
