I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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