Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
