so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
