i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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