did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
