Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
