She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
