He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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