We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
