turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You are the jesus of drinking
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
