And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
