Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want a musical about memes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
