dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
