I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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