You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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