maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize