somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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