Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
