I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
