Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
