worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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