Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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