If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
