Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
