hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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