This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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