Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
