just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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