READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
