Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
