people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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